The Life and Times of the Curious Cockroach

Email to sibling
Sent July 27th, 2009, at 3:37 am
Location: Vancouver

Have been reading Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason and thus cannot write in a fashion other than diary-form. Have come to life-altering realization that God does indeed exist, because nothing else can explain being viciously attacked by wasp in attic other than Him punishing me for having the idea of purchasing a naughty personal-use object just minutes before incident.

Aforementioned incident resulted in bite to foot, 3.5 hours before salsa lesson. While moaning in pain on coach, with brick of frozen butter taped to foot, realized that would not be able to squeeze frankfurter* that was once my right foot, into dance shoe.

2.5 hours before salsa lesson, realized that sporting dance shoes was no longer main worry of self. Toes protruding from frankfurter almost rendered immobile; began wondering how would move foot during dance lesson.

1 hour before salsa lesson, realized financial consequence of missing lesson would be like throwing away decent sushi lunch, resolutely lugged limb and butter brick off of coach, hobbled over to studio, spent the lesson focusing on not contorting face too much while executing turns and solemnly swearing to God that would never think of naughty personal-use objects again.

Reasons for writing to sibling (and sibling’s visiting friend, presumably) at 3:23am:

• being the bigger woman and overlooking the fact that still have not received response to last message.
• asking again for Tajine recipes, as mentioned in last message.
• specifying, unlike in last message, the importance of these recipes: showing ex-boyfriend how modernly cultured I am and thus quite obviously above his present girlfriend all the while subtly emitting vibes that suggest that I am above such base comparisons and no longer care.
• also specifying that previous bullet point was a joke used to add to humouristic style of this message. (Thus hoping God will not punish self through wasp bite on second foot.)

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Signing off,
Curious Cockroach

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* frankfurter: traditional German sausage.